Two Billion Light Years of Solitude
Movie review of "Asleep"
“Floating in a dream, I watched her walk away. That she had come to me at the end of a long night of misery made me want to cry tears of joy. I wanted to tell her: “How happy I am that you came to me like an apparition in that bluish mist. Now everything around me will be a little bit better when I wake up.” At last I was able to fall asleep.”
― Banana Yoshimoto, Asleep
（2020.01.09 Caux,Switzerland）
In the corner of my college dorm room, there resided a slender, rectangular window. When opened, it revealed a glimpse of snow-capped mountains and an abandoned tennis court.
It was a spot where friends and I often gathered, leaning against the window sill, engaged in conversation. These talks would often extend into the midnight hours, and when we finally looked up, we were greeted by a canopy of stars stretching across the sky.
During these moments, there was an inexplicable sense of exhilaration. Living atop the mountain afforded me the freedom to bask in the gifts of nature. Gradually, this place became my miniature sanctuary. If the walls around me had the capacity to absorb information, I could only imagine the multitude of secrets they held, ones that I entrusted them with.
Even the most sociable individuals require moments of self-isolation, be it for reflection or simply to unwind, allowing the tightly wound threads of daily life to evaporate into the air. These sanctuaries of the mind come in various forms: they could be a corridor, a bathroom, or even within the realm of sleep.
（Movie Pic-Asleep -Release date: March 6, 2015 Japan)
The text at the top of the page is from Banana Yoshimoto's "Asleep." The film adaptation starring Sakurako Ando and Arata Iura maintains a somber tone and blurry cinematography throughout the entire 90 minutes, perfectly capturing the feeling of being half-asleep and half-awake.
The protagonist, Terako, can enter deep sleep at any time. As her friends depart and her emotions become more complex, she increasingly relies on the brief escape provided by sleep, distancing herself from reality. It isn't until the end, after resolving internal conflicts and making a decision to go out and work, that she finally breaks free from this escapism and moves towards stability.
（Movie Pic-Asleep -Release date: March 6, 2015 Japan)
Human beings are creatures prone to loneliness. This sense of solitude transcends mere environmental factors; even amidst crowds, the presence of others may not dispel its occasional haunting.
As a child, I hadn't yet learned how to embrace feelings of loneliness alongside everything else. My natural response was just to run whenever it loomed too close. So, during my first month living in a foreign country, trying to avoid the discomfort of feeling like an outsider, I found myself sleeping round the clock.
My apartment was just 30 meters from the street, yet it felt as though I had an automatic filter for blocking out the sounds of the outside world. My pillow became a black hole, absorbing all the negative emotions of the moment, trapping me further in a state of wakeful inertia. The more I tried to break free, the more entrenched I became. This sense of emptiness reached its peak on one sleepless night.
（2016.05.28 Vienna，Austria）
An evening, as I sat on the balcony, lost in my thoughts, I unexpectedly struck up a conversation with my neighbor next door, who had come out for a smoke. I must admit, chatting with an unfamiliar neighbor in a language I wasn't yet fluent in created a strange yet heartwarming scene.
As time went on, we would exchange greetings whenever we ran into each other in the hallway. Once, I even received a homemade cake from her. Even now, I can't quite put into words the exact feelings I experienced during those moments. Yet, these encounters undeniably pulled me back into the reality of human connection, grounding me in the here and now.
“Perhaps everyone is an island unto themselves, yet it seems no one can truly live as an island. Feeling lonely stems from a longing for connection. ”
As an typical East Asian Kid not naturally adept at self-expression, I am gradually opening up and accepting my true self.
Finally, I'll post a very favorite haiku taken from a passage in Shuntaro Tanigawa's Two Billion Light Years of Solitude:
Universal gravitation is the power of solitudes
pulling each other.
Because the universe is distorted,
we all seek for one another.
Because the universe goes on expanding,
we are all uneasy.
With the chill of two billion light-years of solitude,
I suddenly sneezed.
May we all coexist harmoniously with the solitude nestled within our hearts.